“For this child I have prayed”

January 28th, I had to be at work at 6:15, the night before I decided to take a test that morning, just to see. I wasn’t late yet, but it was only a dollar store test anyways. The only thing that kept me from screaming was the fact that I knew Joe was sleeping and it would scare him. I was so incredibly happy to see two lines: PREGNANT! I took another one with me to work to test again, positive too! So I loaded up Ella (the sweet baby girl that I nanny, I shared my news with her because I knew she couldn’t tell anyone else yet!) around 9 am when I knew the stores would be open and bought a shirt that said ‘Pregnant is the new sexy’, a Michael Jordan baby outfit, and a picture frame. I stopped by my house and I quickly changed my shirt and came out to Joe holding a teddy bear dressed in the Jordan gear. He knew, he had guessed, it wasn’t common for me to come home at 10 am with Ella. We were so excited! In shock! We were going to be parents!
My whole life I have wanted to be a mother. I mothered everyone around me growing up, it was all I had ever wanted! Even starting college, I knew I wanted to strive for a career that I would allow me to be a mom, and even if with my Masters degree, I still dreamed of one day being a mommy! This was also one of my greatest fears in life. My mother had endometriosis young that caused a lot of problems for her which lead to a complete hysterectomy at age 26 (maybe 28, I forget). When I hit puberty I began having signs of endometriosis and my fears began. What if I can’t have children? What if I could never be a mommy to my own child. These aren’t fears that most 14 year olds have. Over the years that fear grew, so much so that I began letting myself give up that dream. I was going through a very rough period of life and began believing, much to satan’s doing, that I would never have a husband and child. Then I met Joe, my dreams began to come back more and more. The more we feel in love, the more I realized that I never had to give up the dream of a husband and that life I wanted to bad. My years seemed to pass quite joyfully, I had it all! Well I had everything I had ever dreamed but one thing: a baby. Joe and I weren’t quite ready to start trying, but I was ready, I had baby fever so bad nothing could take it away. The fears were there though, I may never be able to have children. What if my endometriosis had caused me to become infertile? What if my punishment for complete disregard for the Lord for many years was to never have children? I was the age my mother was when she no longer could have children. I was terrified. I prayed about it a lot, but I wouldn’t give it truly to God. I am kind of a control freak, that combined with my lack of faith that the Lord knew what he was doing kept me from giving it to God fully. Then we did a study in our connect groups called Sun Stand Still. Having a child became my sun stand still prayer.
I began to give God the control of my life in all areas, not holding back. It wasn’t easy! One day I was putting Ella to bed and she had fallen asleep in my arms. I sat there and just held her. I thought about how much I loved this little baby girl, she wasn’t even my daughter, but I could love and care for someone else’s child this much, maybe God was preparing my heart to accept the notion that maybe the child I had longed for for so long would be someone else’s, maybe if I was infertile adoption would be ok. Maybe my dream just wasn’t what I had imagined initially but the same result. I was content with whatever God had planned for me life. I had a peace about it all.
However, shortly after that, with clever persuasion, my husband and I tried, just this once. After we both kind of kidded, yep I’m pregnant! LOL Well, a few short weeks later… well the beginning of the blog describes what happened next! The day after we found out, I was in church, and started crying, all my fears were gone, completely! I have always believed that the Lord give us desires deep in our heart, and he doesn’t do that just to rip them away from us, He isn’t an unkind God, he wants the best for us and loves us. The fears that I had for many years, GONE! I had this sweet baby growing inside me! WOW! I couldn’t believe it! I was overwhelmed with emotion, wonderful amazing emotion!
Since we had seen a few friends pain having gone through miscarriages, we decided to keep our wonderful news quiet until around 10 weeks. We told our parents and siblings right away, and then a few weeks later we told a few very close friends. Then we shared the news with the world at 10 weeks! It was so exciting, everyone was ecstatic! And so our journey began as we prepared to be parents! We couldn’t thank and praise God enough! I can’t wait to share more and more about this new adventure that we are facing!